By Dana L. Cruz, MD

I had not met him before, but his soft smile and relaxed demeanor seemed kind. After a long day, I was not feeling especially chatty, but as he attempted to make small talk in the elevator of my apartment building, I engaged. Taking notice of my dark blue scrubs he asked where I worked and, just a moment before getting off the elevator at his stop, he said, “Well thank you for all you do, we need more caring nurses.”

I’ve been told more than once that I have imposter syndrome; a feeling of fraudulence, self-doubt and inadequacy despite my personal and professional accomplishments. No matter how far I advance in my career and education, I am perpetually plagued by a feeling of exclusion; an outsider looking in.

The origins of my personal struggle with imposter syndrome are both explicit and implicit. I can recall as a child my parents’ decision to not speak Spanish with us at home. They instead insisted that we speak perfect English with the fear that an accent would later limit us professionally. Despite their well-meaning intentions, this taught my siblings and me that being different would cost us opportunity.

Since that early lesson, my feelings of deficiency have been subtly reinforced on countless occasions with microaggressions inflicted by presumably well-meaning individuals. I’ll never forget the shame I felt when an attending told me in my first year of medical school that straightening my typically curly hair made me “look more professional.” Or when I was outright discouraged (by an orthopaedic surgeon) from applying for orthopaedic residency, with the suggestion that OBGYN “might be a better fit.” After years of direct and indirect insult, the innocuous assumption made by my neighbor was just one more pernicious reminder that I am different from my colleagues.

I’ve been reluctant to share these feelings with the fear that I would be accused of being overly sensitive or somehow accusatory, yet hope that the open dialogue will draw attention to this reality and inform change. I believe we all have a role to play in creating a more inclusive society, by participating in discussion and attempting to understand those perspectives that are different from our own. I am encouraged by the renewed initiatives adopted by the ASSH and AAOS to create a culture that values diversity and inclusion and hope that future generations will benefit from these difficult conversations.

Dana L. Cruz, MD
Fellow, Hand, Upper Extremity & Microsurgery
University of Arizona – Phoenix